A couple months back, I broke up with my sorry ass ex. I felt like meeting someone new so I got on tinder. After a good conversation with someone we’ll call “E”, I decide to meet with him. We hung out when I was off work, got some $5 arroz con pollo (shoutout to Celia’s) and had an intense parked car conversation that those pick-me bitches love. No sex. Fast forward to when we decided to hook up – things got shaky. His issue was that when he asked to take off the condom I said no. I don’t mind keeping my options open. But we aren’t seriously dating so that shouldn’t matter, right?

WRONG.

When I said I was keeping my options open, he went on a drunken rant that ultimately ended in calling me ridiculous names. It’s awesome how guys resort to misogynistic name-calling when you don’t do what they want. But what E had to say about my potential choices really messed with me, because if the tables were turned I’d have to just deal with it.

The problem with some men is their lack of respect for women that embrace their freedom. I don’t come across many men that worry about what a woman is doing, who she’s screwing and what she’s going to do next. I know a man that I’ve never dated or f*cked that has consistently asked about my sex life or voiced his unsolicited opinion when I post who I’m dating. A few weeks ago, I spoke with a person that said if he takes a girl out and she decides she isn’t into it but they still “hook up” to some extent, she owes him.

I’m all for casual sex, dating and all types of relationships. You don’t need to love every person you meet. It’s okay to have casual sex if you’re doing it on your own terms. It’s also okay to seriously date just one person. It’s even fine to go on dates with different people. You are your own person and you aren’t here to appease anyone. As long as you’re healthy and happy, you should definitely live how you want to.

Women of all races in the United States are controlled by a patriarchal government, with 5 states that have passed or signed the fetal heartbeat bill into law this year. I’ll be damned if we have to continue facing regulation for other choices in our personal lives.

Men don’t control us, won’t police our bodies, and can’t make us feel bad for doing what’s in our best interests. As a black woman who is beginning her own empire, I will not allow a soul to possess me.

 

So men, I must ask: Why does vagina have you so pressed?