Paper Koi Presents: “You’re Doing Fine Sweetie” by Mariah Neptune


[5 MAY 2020 11:15P.M]


It’s Cinco de Mayo and I am two hours pregnant with a baby chicken chimichanga. I love chimichangas. I hate the repercussions. They’re like pumpkin spice candles, they smell delicious but you probably shouldn’t eat them if you love your life. Not only does being this full feel unnatural, but I am certain I just undid the workout that busted my ass this morning. If I could go back in time, I would have smoked before I ate cause that shit was too good. Chiefly, I would have stopped eating right after my abs disappeared. I’m not going to be too hard on myself because knowing when to put down a chimichanga takes a level of discipline that I do not posses as yet. I should just delete my “Tiny Waist, Pretty Face” mood board off my Google Drive. 

That’s the thing about discipline, you never reap the benefits until after all is said and done. It sucks because unlike an online homework assignment, there is no percentage of how much you’ve completed so far. You’ll never know how close you are to mastering discipline until you’re there. Most people quit right before they reach the cusp, for this very reason. I am those people, those people are me. Hence the reason why pressing letters of my keyboard feels like a finger HIT workout.

I refuse to speak on something I haven’t mastered, so this series will not be about discipline. Instead, you will read about everything else that I have mastered, while working towards mastering discipline. Discipline is like the I-95, there’s heavy traffic in the beginning but there’s almost no-one on the road towards the end. Somewhere along the way, you’ll have the option to make a left on self-acceptance and a right on anxiety, but it is still the same road nevertheless. Beware of shortcuts! You might be tempted to cut through a side road but you’ll end up getting lost, and have the circle back and start the journey all over again. If you’re one of those impatient people you’re probably going to try that shit anyway, but do not fret. More mistakes means more lessons.




[6 MAY 2020 5:19 P.M]


From the second we wake up, we’re bombarded with thousands of images. Advertisements flood your frontal lobe with a sea of information before you have a chance to form your first original thought of the day. Allow me to create an image for you. You open your eyes in disarray because you forgot to pop a Melatonin pill before you went to sleep and now you’re a groggy mess. The first thing you do is roll over and reach for your phone. You click on Instagram. You’ve been scrolling for approximately 10 seconds and you’re already knee-deep in the world’s shit. Amongst the hundreds of ads that you see is a girl trying to convince you there’s a difference between Pretty Little Thing and Fashion Nova, June Ambrose wearing two hats and Kelis making grits, with her dog, Grits. You’ve only been awake for five minutes and you’ve already decided that you need to step your hat game the fuck up and maybe you can convince yourself that dog insurance is an essential bill. First of all. Relax. You don’t even like dogs. 

When you open your eyes, the first thing you should do is mediate. Congratulations! You have made it through the night and the universe has granted you another day on Earth. Celebrate with gratitude. Meditation is not only an excellent sign of gratitude for the universe but also for yourself. 

Before giving meditation a try, I thought it was complete bullshit. I thought it was one of those things that you just say that you do to have something to talk about. I can’t remember where my head was on the day I decided to give it a shot, but I must have been on the verge of a mental breakdown. On a scale of one to Brittney, I was probably a bald Brittney. I grabbed a yoga mat, set my timer for twenty minutes, and assumed the position. I tried to picture a white wall, keeping my concentration by focusing on my breathing and touching each finger to my thumb in order. Before I knew it, my body is motionless, my mouth gaped. My mind began to run wild with images and ideas and other weird shit I will only disclose if I’m drunk. Over time, I’ve learned how to maintain and direct my thoughts in the direction of my choice. I’ve also incorporated soundproof headphones and singing bowls for a deeper mediation. Still a work in progress though.

Mediation can take on many forms. If you’re having a hard time relating to the mainstream forms, then create your own. Keep in mind that it includes anything that brings you back to your center, relieves stress, and encourages inner peace. With that being said, mediation can include exercise, vintage hunting*, virtually visiting your favorite museum, and letting a toxic nigga go. Pick your potion, try a couple methods, and chill out. After all, your ideas are currency. Protect your mind to protect your funds.

Being kind to your body, while strengthening your focus is a crucial route on your road to discipline. Like a Chick Fil A stop, it’s fulfilling and will give you the energy you need to keep going. Don’t forget your road trip playlist.

Vintage Hunting– To search for sought after vintage designer pieces for the low.

About the writer:

I am Mariah Neptune, Sailor Neptune if you’re paid. Born and raised in Brooklyn, but I’m an orchid, not a rose. I have half of a B.A from Howard University and a mild fuckery allergy. 

You can follow Mariah Neptune on Instagram.

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